TalkNShopAMania 2 Live Results [Full Review]
Tonight's show opens with Chris Jericho reprising his Southpaw Regional Wrestling role as Clint Bobski to announce what matches are on the way tonight. Bobski promises Talk N Shop A-Mania 2 to be the worst show ever.
A black SUV rolls up to a house, and out walks Karl Anderson. He complains that everything is disorganized and roasts Gallows for roping him into this. Up rolls Rocky Romero is a toy car, who is frustrated himself. Next, we get Doc Gallows appearing in a Broken Matt Hardy-style hologram. Gallows says he's staying inside for the show. Two people roll from out under the ring in the front yard, from which Romero reacts upset. "This is going to be worse than the first one," he sighs.
Romero and Anderson confront Gallows in his bedroom. The latter welcomes us to Talk N Shop A-Mania 2, and we are underway.
Sex Ferguson (Doc Gallows) rolls up in a white pick-up truck and is attacked by numerous masked men. One of the masked men kicks Gallows low, and he rolls around in pain.
Anderson and Romero are on commentary with CGI Doc Gallows. We are about to begin our first match of the evening.
Rory Fox is out for a promo ahead of his match. He claims he was screwed in his match at the first Talk N Shop A-Mania, and promises to redeem himself tonight. Fox takes off his trunks to reveal a thong, and proclaims everyone must "bask in [his] package." No, I'm not kidding. Out next is Brian Myers and Swoggle to confront Fox. Myers calls out Fox for not knowing where the hard cam is. A wrestler named Rimjob is out now to team with Fox for a tag match against Myers and Swoggle.
Rory Fox and Rimjob vs Brian Myers and Swoggle
Myers hits Fox with Matt Cardona's moveset, going for a Broski boot. Anderson points out they couldn't get Cardona on the show because he's trying to get in with AEW. Swoggle hits Rimjob with a superkick. Swoggle hits a tadpole splash on Rimjob from about a mile away, but the camera cuts to make it seem like it was legit.
Winners: Myers and Swoggle
After the match, Fox helps Rimjob to his feet and gives his partner a hug. The friendship doesn't last, as he hits his partner with a belly-to-belly suplex. Fox immediately runs out of the ring and goes to retrieve some object. He almost enters from the sidewalk, but course-corrects and enters through the entrance way. Fox ties up Rimjob's neck with a rope collar and starts walking him around like a dog. I am once again reminding you that I am not kidding.
Detective Gregory Helms is out next to investigate a murder. Helms says everyone is a suspect, including Romero and Lazer. There is a dead body by the two aforementioned wrestlers.
Ball Lameman is out to announce his allegiance with Freight Train. Freight Train is out in an "I'm a Ball Lameman Guy" shirt, a clear spoof on Paul Heyman.
Frankie Coverdale vs Freight Train w/ Ball Lameman
Freight Train begins with a eye poke to Coverdale. He strikes Coverdale with chops, exposing his chest by opening his jacket. Coverdale is irish whipped into the corner, and Freight Train lands a splash. Shades of Sting! Freight Train with a devastating elbow to Coverdale, delivered at a rapid-fast speed of one mile per hour. Vintage Freight Train. That elbow strike is enough for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Freight Train
After the match, Helms continues to investigate the murder. He questions the referee, who says he knows nothing.
Chavo Guerrero and Chico el Luchador promote their Lucha Death Match scheduled to take place later tonight. Chico says they will each pick a "team of destruction." This might turn into a tag match? We shall see.
Helms questions Sami Callihan and MadMan Fulton next. Both are speaking in southern accents, please don't ask why. Helms is distracted for a minute, turns around, and the two have been murdered!
Teddy Long is back again for the sequel. He welcomes us to Road Undershed. Anderson and Romero say these are real shoot fights. This looks to be a spoof on Raw Underground.
About six competitors are fighting on a tarp. One is dressed as Elvis, another as a luchadore in a karate suit. There is no consistency, all six men are fighting without any order. Weapons being used include trash can lids, pink flamingos, and beach balls. Someone named Lazer lands a massive cross-body off a tree, must've been about 25 feet high.
Gore! Rhino is here! He is destroying everyone competing in whatever this is. Tommy Dreamer is here now too! He strikes Rhino with a cookie sheet. Next it's Justin Credible! A reunion of ECW originals. They say they have gone hardcore too much, and should now go softcore. They hit each other with stuffed animals and beach balls. Chants for softcore ring throughout the packed house of about six people.
Justin Credible lies down for Dreamer, who covers him for the 1-2-3. "You're softcore!" chants ring throughout.
Winner: Tommy Dreamer
After the match, a masked man attacks Dreamer. He unmasks, revealing himself to be Impact Wrestling's Scott D'Amore. "Give us jobs!" chants from the other competitors.
Helms is back on the case. He questions a man in a blonde wig, who points him to a masked man. He says his name is Reptile. Helms stares down this man, saying reptiles are cold-blooded, just like murder.
A pink hummer limousine enters frame. Out steps "Knox-tista" (Mike Knox) and he is joined by a Randy Orton and Triple H spoof. Driving the limo is a Ric Flair spoof. Evolution truly is a mystery.
The Triple H spoof tries to strike an unnamed man with a sledgehammer. The man lands a dropkick on the Triple H spoof.
Paul Lee is out next. Knox-tista shakes the ropes, which Anderson reminds him not to shake them too hard because the ring is very unstable. Nathan Orton tries to do the Randy Orton pose in the corner, but just shrugs instead.
George North vs 'Nature Boy' Paul Lee
Lee uses some classic Ric Flair taunts early on. Lee locks North in a headlock, but North lands a back body drop to reverse. Lee flees to the outside. After recovering, Lee locks North in a cradle submission. He covers North but uses the ropes to his advantage. North kicks out at one. North with an Irish whip into the corner, sending Lee flying. North lands a World's Strongest Slam on Lee, but misses his People's Elbow. Lee is back in control, he locks North in a Figure Four.
Kowalski runs out and strikes Lee with a chair, that turns into a baseball bat mid-swing. No, the cut does not look good. The interference is enough for North to get the 1-2-3.
Winner: George North
Knox-tista lands a Knox-tista Bomb on Lee after the match. He calls for Nathan Orton to hit the punt kick, but he refuses. He shrug poses in the corner again instead.
Helms approaches another murder suspect, who shows him how Tinder works. Helms tries it out, and while he's on his phone, the suspect disappears.
Anderson and Romero toss to Chris Van Vliet, who is live in Los Angeles. Van Vliet tosses to the official team draft of the Lucha Death Match.
Team Chavo Guerrero vs Team Chico El Luchador in a Lucha Death Match
Guerrero's team is compromised of many unknown individuals, but among them is Impact Wrestling's Taya Valkyrie. Joining Chico's team is JTG. Guerrero picks the referee to join his team. One of Chico's teammates has a gun, which scares Chavo, to which Chico responds, "Well, it is a death match." Joining Team Chico is The Zombie from ECW. Comedian Taylor Williamson comes from upstairs, joining Team Chico.
The referee rings the bell and I think we're underway. The two teams square off with their weapons and begin fighting. JTG claims he is going to eat his opponents shorts. JTG pummels his opponent with lefts and rights, and stomps him with his Timberlands. Taya Valkyrie breaks The Zombie's arm, who then goes after the referee and begins eating his neck. Valkyrie and a luchador square off, which ends with Taya snapping his neck and literally ripping out his spine. Yes, you read that correctly.
The Zombie is shot to death by an assault rifle, just kidding, he's already dead. He no sells about fifty gun shots and goes back on the offensive. He gets shot in the face by a pistol and looks to be dead for good now.
Guerrero and Chico square off. Chico worries that Chavo has COVID. Chavo says he doesn't. They start exchanging blows.
Taya Valkyrie takes an RPG missile to the chest from JTG. I'm completely serious. Chavo stabs JTG in the neck with a knife, and begins clubbing the camera man.
Chico wakes up in the cartoon world of Talk N Shop. He is joined by Chadd 2 Badd, Tex Ferguson, and nZo (Enzo Amore). Clint Bobski says he is still waiting for his uber.
The comedian from America's Got Talent stabs Chavo with a lightsaber. The match is now over.
Winner: Team Chico El Luchador
Detective Helms approaches James Ellsworth, who denies the murder. A mystery man puts Helms through a barbershop window, which is apparently just in the middle of the front lawn.
Chadd 2 Badd vs Sex Ferguson: Ball for a Ball Match
Chadd 2 Badd debuts his new faction, Retri-Poo-tion! The faction are the same masked men who attacked Sex Ferguson earlier in the night. The camera cuts to the Torturer (Gallows in a hockey mask). Very reminiscent of Bray Wyatt.
2 Badd is in a casket that falls out of a car. He wants a ballsack for a ballsack match because of course he does. A guitar man is out next to play some tunes ahead of this contest.
Ferguson takes the fight to 2 Badd. 2 Badd threatens to eat Ferguson's nutsack. There's dead bodies and poop everywhere. I have no idea what's going on. Ferguson takes a swig of some liquor. 2 Badd claws Ferguson's crotch with some sort of claw grabber thing and seemingly rips his penis off? Does that mean he wins? The Triple H spoof joins 2 Badd and hits Ferguson in the crotch with a sledgehammer. A mystery man is about to take a weed whacker to Feguson's crotch. Romero shouts "We don't have insurance for this!"
2 Badd and Ferguson's wives are out to lecture the two. 2 Badd somehow gets the win, I guess? He just kind of kicked Ferguson a lot in the crotch and had his hand raised. Gangrel is here now too, because why not, right? Ferguson takes some clothespins to 2 Badd's crotch.
The two continue to fight each other with mostly shots to each other's crotches. 2 Badd hooks Ferguson's crotch up to a rope tied to an eighteen wheeler. The 'It's still real to me, damn it!' guy is here. That one actually makes sense. 2 Badd revs up the truck, and is about to rip Ferguson's balls off. As he backs up the truck, he hits something. It's the same woman who was having sex under the ring at the beginning of the show. Three men show up and try to simultaneously tear off both 2 Badd and Ferguson's balls, but the Karate Man (Ethan Page) saves them. After some conversation, Karate Man punches both men in the crotch.
Fake Sting is here now too, and strikes everyone with a baseball bat. Karate Man calls for more torture. In canon, both 2 Badd and Ferguson have had their balls ripped off at least five times each. Scott Steiner is here! He scolds both 2 Badd and Ferguson and says what we're all thinking: "This pay-per-view sucks!" The announcer says the winner is the Cock Torturer? How did that happen?
Winner: The Cock Torturer
The Torturer sits around a dinner table with his faction, such as Karate Man, Virgil, Scott Steiner, and Scott D'Amore. It sounds like it's finally ending. The Torturer has a title spray-painted with orange letters over his shoulder. The Cock Torturer World Order has officially been formed, and they all laugh maniacally as the show goes off the air.
Honest Thoughts On #TalkNShopAMania2
First I want to say that I enjoyed every minute of it. I know that the tagline is #WorstThanTheFirst but I do have to say that I enjoyed it more than the first one. Now don't get me wrong I enjoyed the first #TalkNShopAMania but the boys hard work paid off big time. The production value alone was stepped up. We had CGI Doc Gallows, cinematic scenes on the level of Matt Hardy's "Final Deletion", & AJ Styles vs The Undertaker's "Bone Yard Match". We had a funny animation transition spot during Team Chavo Guerrero vs Team Chico El Luchador match. Overall the pay-per-view over delivered and was a solid 10/10 in our eyes. Great job to all of those involved in #TalkNShopAMania2 and hopefully next year we get #TalkNShopAMania3
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